~ Finally..I'm finally Free ~

Some of may think I don't know what this world is like.. But I do. I know what kind of influence this world can have on you.. How do I know? I hear so many testimonies, about how God changed so many peoples lives, Some were Drug dealers, some have been in Jail, were Criminals.. and more. But for those of you who don't believe in God..or just think that people are making up stories.. They aren't.. And Proof that God is real.. He changed my parents lives, and he has changed mine.

You may think " Well, You're a Pastor's Kid." I'm here to tell you.. My past may not be terrible as some, but I felt guilty, hurt, lost, alone..in this world. I gave some many teens advice for a lot, Forgiveness, Suicide..but I felt like a bad example when I couldn't forgive myself, and when I felt like committing suicide. I couldn't forgive myself..why? I tried my best to be, a good girl in church.. But after one mistake..one big mistake..I have been living with that scar.

I messed around sexually with one of my best friends, We were both young..but I knew what we did was terrible.. I couldn't forgive myself..at all. I apologized to her so many times, but even when she said she forgave me, even when I asked God for forgiveness..I couldn't forgive myself.. My friend Danny, was right. I was holding on to my past.. And holding on to it.. Was tearing me up.

I still have the scar..But you know what.. I have never felt so free in my life.. Here's what happened.

~ February 15, 2014 ~

I had just finished practice.. Freaking out over a song ( Mostly because I was singing by myself).. My band leader, Kyle walked up and asked me to do my testimony.. I can honestly say my heart stopped..Fear flowed in..my heart and mind. For two reasons:

1. I don't share my testimony often, Because I'm ashamed..
2. Because I was so scared..to even know..that everyone would know, I was scared to hear what they had to say..after they found out.

Kyle said.. God asked him to ask me.. I sat there praying my heart out..Almost crying. I dreaded sharing my testimony..For some crazy reason..I told Kyle " I will share my testimony". And when we finished singing " Price Tag " .. It was time for my testimony.. I was nervous, but you know what.. after sharing it.. I was really emotional, No matter how much I tried hiding it. I went in the Sanctuary..and cried at the altar.. because like I still scared..but I felt free. I don't the burdened anymore.. Jayda said Maybe It was time for me to let go.. And it was..

If you are a Pastor Kid, or Just a normal person.. Don't ever think you have to be perfect.. don't let your life..your past pull you down..don't let it tear you apart..Do it, not because I asked you..Because you need to. I been holding on to my past to long.. I let it tear down..and I'm still trying to get back up.. God loves you more than anything.. He sent his son to die for you. Out of conditional LOVE.. Don't ever give up your life, just because its unbearable.. because you know what.. God loves you, He is always with you..and even when things are going bad..He's always listening..He's always there..

If you ever need anything, Yes..You can talk to me..But God is the one who can help the most. :)

I'm still nervous to share my testimony..but I'm happy I did..because I can finally smile..and say I forgive myself :) And " Best Friend" I hope you do forgive me, I should've been a better example to you. And I apologize.

Well that's all for today! Have a great day :)

~ Ash ~

~ Falling Under the Influence.... ~

Some may think all Pastor’s kids, are perfect. From what I know..and what this whole world knows. NO ONE is perfect, no not even Pk’s. I am starting to notice, This world does all it can to influence you. Here is what I mean…

I have a young friend, She was so loving. She was Christian, though she doesn’t know about this world, Doesn’t have understanding. I told her to be careful with who she hangs out with/makes friends with. But you know us tweens/teens, think we know better, Now she is falling behind, She isn’t happy the sunshine, I used to know. Now she is believing the negative things people are telling her, And I worry even more. 

It’s hard for a Christian to fall.. Spiritually.You want to do what the world is doing, You want to try new things, But It’s not worth it. This world will leave you broken, hurt, angry, and more. You may ask “ Well, How do you know?” I know, because I’ve fallen, more than once.  And you can see it everywhere, The influence bullies have on kids, who end up taking their lives..Young kids, Young teenagers, In robberies, In drug dealing..End up in Jail.I know what this world’s influence does to you. I’ve been dealing with it since I was 11. Even though I have always grown in a God loving, christian home, with supportive parents, I still fell. ( spiritually ).

I always get the feeling, I wish I could travel back in time to those times when I said “ Yes” and put my foot down..And say “No.” But, unfortunately we can’t go back in time, and we have to move on in life. We all have our own stories, Some worst than some. My story.. I will post one day, but I can say this  world is really in a mess. 

All movies are starting to only be about Sex & Murder,

Music is mostly about, Sex, Good/Bad relationships, Suicide ( Rihanna). I understand not music, is like this. But a pretty good percentage of it is. 

You may think it’s helpful.. but what’s more important. Listening to Lady Gaga “ Born this way” or where your going to spend eternity? 

It’s not just us Pastor’s kids, who fall. It’s all of you out there. I won’t say any names, but I have another young friend. And she isn’t a christian, She wants to live her way.. But no matter how much trash she has gone through, How much she is enjoying the bad life ( sleeping around, drugs, drinking ) She still won’t turn to God. She is getting farther or farther away, This is one reason I do worry. Why? Well, If she keep going down this path..It will lead to spending eternity..In a place of separation..desperation.. And sadly if you don't give your life to Jesus..that's where anyone could spend eternity. 

I may not know what you all go through, Some of it is just to much for you. Some of it may be tearing you apart. And you think “ Why, live? “ And If you have ever thought about taking your life.. Please don’t. If you are cutting.. Please stop. You’re choices effect those who care about you. Cutting, may seem to take away the pain..but It’s causing you more pain..It won’t help you get over the hurt. Taking your life, Is the worst idea ever, Life may drag you down, But don’t let others rule your life. There is hope in this world. There is always Hope.. there is another way.. His name is Jesus. 

He knows what you go through, He knows the pain you suffer from..but He loves you so much, more than anyone in this world can. He died for us, on a cross. God, gave his only son to die for us.. Out of Love. And you know what's the best. If you give your life to him, You will one day spend Eternity with him.. I ain't lying. But It will be truly amazing. :) 

Don’t ever give up Hope.. And don’t let this World’s Influence ruin you..

If you ever need to talk, Comment below. :) 

Love you all, and God Bless! 

~ The Beauty of Classical Music ~

   I never paid attention to classical music, when I was young. Now, during my teenager years, I have grown to love Classical Music. I have a wide variety of what music I like, I can listen to music for hours. But I love listening to Classical Music, not because it's so soothing..and relaxing, but because It's truly beautiful, And I don't know how to explain it..But when I need to think things through..or I'm really nervous I listen to music.. Classical..whatever kind I have. Some of you may not like classical music, but that is your choice. I love classical music.. In fact I am listening to some now. 

                           ~ What Classical Music I Love ~ 

~This guy plays such beautiful music ~ 

~ Moonrise - Brian Crian ~ 

" Music is a social act

 of communication among people,

a gesture of friendship,

the strongest there is."

~ Malcolm Arnold ~ 

I will love Classical music, for as long as I can, It's beautiful, As one of my dreams is to go see an Orchestra or anything of the sort..Classical music, may just seem like average music to you, But I see it as beautiful music. 

Till next time! 

~ I saw Penguins..I'm not kidding! ~

You would never believe it.. There are penguins in South Africa! I have never seen a penguin..in real life! They are so cute...and noisy.. lol. We went to this place yesterday..that has them there! Me and my Dad took pictures! Hope you enjoy em! ^_^ I also took a picture of the mountain view you can see from there!

Gasp! Penguins in SA! 

Hi there! 

Time to sleep in the sun! 

The Mountain view!

Ain't he cute! 

SMILE!

Hope you guys have a fabulous day! Love y'all!

~ Guns & Moses ~

We have a band in our church, in Grassy Park - Cape Town, SA. The band members are great people, great friends, and are fun to hang with! Let me tell you about them a little.. ( From what I know ) 

Our band leader is Kyle Felix, who is a great guy, funny, serious when need be, he writes songs, and also plays the guitar. Our Drummer, Augustine, is a great guy as well, funny, nice, he can sing..though he denies it, and play the piano. We have another guitarist, Chadwyn, He is a great guy too.. quiet, funny, and a great guitar player. Oh! and there is Me and Jayda, she is a great gal, she is loving, she loves teasing me..which is no surprise.she plays the piano..but you should totally hear her voice!.. She can sing high, and she has a unique voice ( Yes you do, Jayda..don't deny it ). So yup! These are the band members! I also  interviewed our Band Leader Kyle.. Since he knows more than me about the band lol.

- The Interview - 

• What's your name?  Kyle Felix 
• How old are you? 18
• How long have you been playing the guitar? For 4 years
• What's the whole purpose of starting the band? Easy, to win souls
• Who started the band in the beginning? A guy named Mickyle
• What's your view on the band members? Cool people, easy to get along with but they love messing around.
• How long have you know the member of the band? For 2 years now

Artwork by Kyle. F

                                           

                        Why do we do this? To win souls!

                        Who are we doing this for? .Jesus!

                     Who are we accountable to? ..One another! " 

                                      - Kyle Felix -

~ Being Online vs Being Social ~

Have you ever had that moment where you can hours and hours to people online..but when you talk in person..You don't talk much? Why are you doing that..Well I blame..that right, " Technology. "

- What I mean.. -

Hey, It's me Ash! Well, the other day I was talking to my dad about this very topic, Honestly its 100% true for me. Why? Well.. maybe I should explain from the beginning. So most of you know I lived in Cape Verde ( an Island ) if you didn't know..now you do lol  :) I wasn't able to go to school, make friends, talk to anyone on that island..for one whole reason.. They didn't speak English..only Portuguese. So I was forced to be homeschooled, and technically speaking forced to talk online to friends, Yes I could call some of them, but I mostly talked to them through email, Google+, or through AIO forums. Meaning most of my relationships with my online friends, aren't as real as my friends here in Cape town. I have know all of them for about 1 1/2 years. So we are all pretty close. But what my point is.. I can talk to people or my friends in general for hours..like seriously. But let's just say you meet me in person..I can come off as quiet..but honestly I am not! lol, I love talking, a lot. Ask my Dad, He calls me a Walkie-talkie..hehe. When I lived here in South Africa 5 years, ago. I would be miss over friendly, Talking to strangers.. and now..I get shy..or just stay quiet. But what makes me think is the amount of time me or even other teenagers spend online. Chatting, texting or ect. I used to spend up 6 hours on the computer everyday. Not terrible, but not so good either. So I would have to say, I still need to work on my social skills, So if you do know me..and I don't really talk to you in person..lol It's not cause I'm ignoring you..It's just I'm getting used to talking to people in English..and I have to get used to being involved in social life. lol .. I think I chat more..You have time to think over the words before you say them..but in person you just out right say it. lol.. Who knows? Well just felt like doing this post! Let me know if any of you feel the same way..or have any input! :)

Goodbye now!

~ Rudy The Roadrunner ~

On our visit to Arizona, We went to eat at a couples house..after we were done eating a wonderful meal.. We were outside..trying to get the keys that my bro in law...left in the ignition out..We spotted a roadrunner! I shall give the Credit to My Dad.. Robert Polaco for taking this amazing pic! ( We named the Roadrunner..Rudy....Mr Rudy the Roadrunner ;) lol )

More posts coming your way today!