~ Finally..I'm finally Free ~

Some of may think I don't know what this world is like.. But I do. I know what kind of influence this world can have on you.. How do I know? I hear so many testimonies, about how God changed so many peoples lives, Some were Drug dealers, some have been in Jail, were Criminals.. and more. But for those of you who don't believe in God..or just think that people are making up stories.. They aren't.. And Proof that God is real.. He changed my parents lives, and he has changed mine.

You may think " Well, You're a Pastor's Kid." I'm here to tell you.. My past may not be terrible as some, but I felt guilty, hurt, lost, alone..in this world. I gave some many teens advice for a lot, Forgiveness, Suicide..but I felt like a bad example when I couldn't forgive myself, and when I felt like committing suicide. I couldn't forgive myself..why? I tried my best to be, a good girl in church.. But after one mistake..one big mistake..I have been living with that scar.

I messed around sexually with one of my best friends, We were both young..but I knew what we did was terrible.. I couldn't forgive myself..at all. I apologized to her so many times, but even when she said she forgave me, even when I asked God for forgiveness..I couldn't forgive myself.. My friend Danny, was right. I was holding on to my past.. And holding on to it.. Was tearing me up.

I still have the scar..But you know what.. I have never felt so free in my life.. Here's what happened.

~ February 15, 2014 ~

I had just finished practice.. Freaking out over a song ( Mostly because I was singing by myself).. My band leader, Kyle walked up and asked me to do my testimony.. I can honestly say my heart stopped..Fear flowed in..my heart and mind. For two reasons:

1. I don't share my testimony often, Because I'm ashamed..
2. Because I was so scared..to even know..that everyone would know, I was scared to hear what they had to say..after they found out.

Kyle said.. God asked him to ask me.. I sat there praying my heart out..Almost crying. I dreaded sharing my testimony..For some crazy reason..I told Kyle " I will share my testimony". And when we finished singing " Price Tag " .. It was time for my testimony.. I was nervous, but you know what.. after sharing it.. I was really emotional, No matter how much I tried hiding it. I went in the Sanctuary..and cried at the altar.. because like I still scared..but I felt free. I don't the burdened anymore.. Jayda said Maybe It was time for me to let go.. And it was..

If you are a Pastor Kid, or Just a normal person.. Don't ever think you have to be perfect.. don't let your life..your past pull you down..don't let it tear you apart..Do it, not because I asked you..Because you need to. I been holding on to my past to long.. I let it tear down..and I'm still trying to get back up.. God loves you more than anything.. He sent his son to die for you. Out of conditional LOVE.. Don't ever give up your life, just because its unbearable.. because you know what.. God loves you, He is always with you..and even when things are going bad..He's always listening..He's always there..

If you ever need anything, Yes..You can talk to me..But God is the one who can help the most. :)

I'm still nervous to share my testimony..but I'm happy I did..because I can finally smile..and say I forgive myself :) And " Best Friend" I hope you do forgive me, I should've been a better example to you. And I apologize.

Well that's all for today! Have a great day :)

~ Ash ~


~ Falling Under the Influence.... ~

Some may think all Pastor’s kids, are perfect. From what I know..and what this whole world knows. NO ONE is perfect, no not even Pk’s. I am starting to notice, This world does all it can to influence you. Here is what I mean…

I have a young friend, She was so loving. She was Christian, though she doesn’t know about this world, Doesn’t have understanding. I told her to be careful with who she hangs out with/makes friends with. But you know us tweens/teens, think we know better, Now she is falling behind, She isn’t happy the sunshine, I used to know. Now she is believing the negative things people are telling her, And I worry even more. 

It’s hard for a Christian to fall.. Spiritually.You want to do what the world is doing, You want to try new things, But It’s not worth it. This world will leave you broken, hurt, angry, and more. You may ask “ Well, How do you know?” I know, because I’ve fallen, more than once.  And you can see it everywhere, The influence bullies have on kids, who end up taking their lives..Young kids, Young teenagers, In robberies, In drug dealing..End up in Jail.I know what this world’s influence does to you. I’ve been dealing with it since I was 11. Even though I have always grown in a God loving, christian home, with supportive parents, I still fell. ( spiritually ).

I always get the feeling, I wish I could travel back in time to those times when I said “ Yes” and put my foot down..And say “No.” But, unfortunately we can’t go back in time, and we have to move on in life. We all have our own stories, Some worst than some. My story.. I will post one day, but I can say this  world is really in a mess. 

All movies are starting to only be about Sex & Murder,
Music is mostly about, Sex, Good/Bad relationships, Suicide ( Rihanna). I understand not music, is like this. But a pretty good percentage of it is. 
You may think it’s helpful.. but what’s more important. Listening to Lady Gaga “ Born this way” or where your going to spend eternity? 

It’s not just us Pastor’s kids, who fall. It’s all of you out there. I won’t say any names, but I have another young friend. And she isn’t a christian, She wants to live her way.. But no matter how much trash she has gone through, How much she is enjoying the bad life ( sleeping around, drugs, drinking ) She still won’t turn to God. She is getting farther or farther away, This is one reason I do worry. Why? Well, If she keep going down this path..It will lead to spending eternity..In a place of separation..desperation.. And sadly if you don't give your life to Jesus..that's where anyone could spend eternity. 

I may not know what you all go through, Some of it is just to much for you. Some of it may be tearing you apart. And you think “ Why, live? “ And If you have ever thought about taking your life.. Please don’t. If you are cutting.. Please stop. You’re choices effect those who care about you. Cutting, may seem to take away the pain..but It’s causing you more pain..It won’t help you get over the hurt. Taking your life, Is the worst idea ever, Life may drag you down, But don’t let others rule your life. There is hope in this world. There is always Hope.. there is another way.. His name is Jesus. 

He knows what you go through, He knows the pain you suffer from..but He loves you so much, more than anyone in this world can. He died for us, on a cross. God, gave his only son to die for us.. Out of Love. And you know what's the best. If you give your life to him, You will one day spend Eternity with him.. I ain't lying. But It will be truly amazing. :) 

Don’t ever give up Hope.. And don’t let this World’s Influence ruin you..

If you ever need to talk, Comment below. :) 

Love you all, and God Bless!