2014/02/28

~ Finally..I'm finally Free ~

Some of may think I don't know what this world is like.. But I do. I know what kind of influence this world can have on you.. How do I know? I hear so many testimonies, about how God changed so many peoples lives, Some were Drug dealers, some have been in Jail, were Criminals.. and more. But for those of you who don't believe in God..or just think that people are making up stories.. They aren't.. And Proof that God is real.. He changed my parents lives, and he has changed mine.

You may think " Well, You're a Pastor's Kid." I'm here to tell you.. My past may not be terrible as some, but I felt guilty, hurt, lost, alone..in this world. I gave some many teens advice for a lot, Forgiveness, Suicide..but I felt like a bad example when I couldn't forgive myself, and when I felt like committing suicide. I couldn't forgive myself..why? I tried my best to be, a good girl in church.. But after one mistake..one big mistake..I have been living with that scar.

I messed around sexually with one of my best friends, We were both young..but I knew what we did was terrible.. I couldn't forgive myself..at all. I apologized to her so many times, but even when she said she forgave me, even when I asked God for forgiveness..I couldn't forgive myself.. My friend Danny, was right. I was holding on to my past.. And holding on to it.. Was tearing me up.

I still have the scar..But you know what.. I have never felt so free in my life.. Here's what happened.

~ February 15, 2014 ~

I had just finished practice.. Freaking out over a song ( Mostly because I was singing by myself).. My band leader, Kyle walked up and asked me to do my testimony.. I can honestly say my heart stopped..Fear flowed in..my heart and mind. For two reasons:

1. I don't share my testimony often, Because I'm ashamed..
2. Because I was so scared..to even know..that everyone would know, I was scared to hear what they had to say..after they found out.

Kyle said.. God asked him to ask me.. I sat there praying my heart out..Almost crying. I dreaded sharing my testimony..For some crazy reason..I told Kyle " I will share my testimony". And when we finished singing " Price Tag " .. It was time for my testimony.. I was nervous, but you know what.. after sharing it.. I was really emotional, No matter how much I tried hiding it. I went in the Sanctuary..and cried at the altar.. because like I still scared..but I felt free. I don't the burdened anymore.. Jayda said Maybe It was time for me to let go.. And it was..

If you are a Pastor Kid, or Just a normal person.. Don't ever think you have to be perfect.. don't let your life..your past pull you down..don't let it tear you apart..Do it, not because I asked you..Because you need to. I been holding on to my past to long.. I let it tear down..and I'm still trying to get back up.. God loves you more than anything.. He sent his son to die for you. Out of conditional LOVE.. Don't ever give up your life, just because its unbearable.. because you know what.. God loves you, He is always with you..and even when things are going bad..He's always listening..He's always there..

If you ever need anything, Yes..You can talk to me..But God is the one who can help the most. :)

I'm still nervous to share my testimony..but I'm happy I did..because I can finally smile..and say I forgive myself :) And " Best Friend" I hope you do forgive me, I should've been a better example to you. And I apologize.

Well that's all for today! Have a great day :)

~ Ash ~